bump

written on February 1, 2022

of roads in life 

some will get you straight to the point, a smooth sailing one

some with potholes, where you think twice before running through it

then there are a few with bumps, one or a row of it

forcing you to slow down and have your foot off the accelerator 

because running through it any faster will not only feel uncomfortable 

but it’ll damage your car 

immediately or cumulatively, i do not know the extent of the damage 

but the moment you hit the brakes

and as you watch the car move slowly 

you look out and start to see how fast the cars around you go

cutting in lanes to speed ahead

going beyond the limits to get ahead in the game 

on the roads they choose, with a destination in mind

not caring if there’s any traffic ahead

as if to say “just go” 

until the red light tells you otherwise 

in the world full of talented people

you stop to wonder what’s yours

it’s not that your car isn’t working 

(though it terribly needed some fixing)

i think it’s the navigation system that broke down

this isn’t the first 

but it has become more intense or paralysing rather 

to the point of not wanting to do anything 

sitting there and waiting to reach a place, somewhere (that i don’t even know exist) 

and it feels like i’ve been going on for so long, 

running and chasing after what i thought was what i wanted (only to realise that it wasn’t) 

yet i can’t afford to stay stagnant 

as we know life stops for no one

so the way i know how (to keep moving) was to distract myself 

“to be busy being busy” 

to push away this gloominess and neglect the weight i feel on my shoulders 

the thought of judging eyes lurking to see what i’d do next

little do i know that it’s eating me up at night 

(to the point i can’t stand it anymore)

since when did life start to feel like this?

p.s — finally putting down these thoughts in my head during the quiet drives to work, just before the sun rise. can’t promise i’m going to be here as often tho

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