memory

written on October 22, 2021

“i want to remember everything about him”
words i told myself 

the day he left us

for better and for ever 

to this date 

i remember his birthday 

and i celebrate it 

with a cake and a song

hoping he’d hear or see somehow 

i’m saddened

for it seems like others have long forgotten 

and move on with life 

while i alone stuck in the past 

trying to piece every single memory 

so that i’d keep my promise 

of not forgetting him

as time goes by

from a year to two 

till ten years since 

i’m saddened 

by the fact 

that i could no longer 

remember much about him 

no matter how hard i tried 

the sound of his voice

his soft yet stern gaze 

his big and calloused hands 

ones that raised me 

ones i thought i’d hold onto forever 

all i have left are memories 

and i feel like i’m losing them too

as i stare at a photograph of us

the footages in my head 

begin to fade 

they turned blurry and 

i could no longer hear his laughter

nor see his expressions 

i’m losing it 

no

i can’t lose him

not like this 

my heart aches

for what i fear most may come true 

am i the only one 

who question why 

we remember death anniversaries 

over birthdays 

of those who left us? 

does it mean that their birth is less important than their death?