the memory lane

written on November 5, 2021

it’s been a while

since i last came here 

to this place 

alone

i wasn’t planning on going anywhere 

but i definitely didn’t expect to end up here

i think i loved the act of driving since i was young

being in the passenger seat brought some kind of joy 

each time i watch the sceneries change 

or when i try to guess what the cloud looks like 

or moments where we’d eat, dance, and play 

on our way

i didn’t mind where we’d go

i couldn’t care less

for all i think of 

was the journey and adventure 

with people i love 

after i got my driver’s license 

the right to sit in the designated seat

brought a different kind of joy 

like a symbol of freedom and authority

and to be treated with responsibility

that eventually evolve into an escape or outlet 

it wasn’t long that

going for long drives became some sort of a coping mechanism 

to deal with my inner thoughts 

to put things into perspective 

a time to tune to my thoughts

on a peaceful late night drive 

when everything feels a little too much 

it was a way to silence the busy mind 

i used to drive down this road so often 

purposely making an extra turn 

just to walk down the memory lane 

up to a point 

i wouldn’t mind spending more time on the road 

a detour after a long day 

to clear my mind 

reminiscing on things i could never change

as i walk around this place 

as if we never left

it was our humble beginning

perhaps the earliest memory of my childhood; 

the never ending patches of blue sky from where i sat

the pretend-to-be-asleep-after-a-long-car-ride trick 

the sight of buildings with faded paints 

the dark intimidating hallway 

and even a playground to call ours 

which was once so lively 

is now left to rust and seemed a little lonely 

turning into the corner 

it stirred nostalgic feelings in me once again 

of the memories shared 

of the simple days 

even when we didn’t have much 

i’d think our hearts were full 

in a place we once called home

(now a house) 

if there’s ever a day 

(and i know there will be) 

that this house cease to exist 

on the face of the earth 

i wonder how much of a heartbreak it’ll be 

to find out something significant 

was turned into shambles

of ashes and dusts 

i think it’ll make me feel as if 

a part of my past 

was erased and 

gone with the wind

something i can no longer see nor touch 

or even grasp

because all that’s left is

what’s in my head 

which i fear too will fade eventually

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