dear first love
i wasn’t sure of it at first
in fact i denied of its existence
i didn’t want to risk it
to gamble with what we have
for something that might not be
“a happily ever after”
even though ‘we’ didn’t happen
at least life felt better
navigating as best friends
not strangers
we had our chances at love
with other people
sadly, they weren’t ‘the ones’ either
no matter how it turned out
we always come back to each other
because
we’re the best of friends
and nothing more
fate came into play
once again after twenty years
our paths intertwined
but us, in our forties
now with our own scars and baggage to carry
despite the time spent apart
it felt like nothing has changed
just like back then
you still know me at the back of your hand
paying attention to every detail
not just of my likes and dislikes
but others around you as well
there’s just something about you
that makes people open up
and i think i now understand why
it’s in the way you treat them
your attentive eyes
the way you’re keen to listen their stories
that no one bothered to stop and listen
it’s in the little things that you do
for being the one who had to patiently wait
for being the one who puts others first
to knowing how important coffee is to me in my daily life
especially whenever i had long drives
even as friends
i could easily tell why you’re so likeable
that’s your charm
especially those jokes of yours
through these simple yet heart-fluttering moments
and i find myself once again
falling for you
the turning point was
when you saw me on my worst nights
yet offered to drive
because you knew i wasn’t in a state that i could
i’m forever thankful for you
for not letting me be
then and now
you’re still the only one who would watch the rain with me
the only one i’m comfortable with spending time in silence
my heart is full
knowing that you’re there
moments like these
i often wished that they could last forever
in the end
isn’t that what we search and long for in life?
the human connection
and a partner
someone who will hold your hand
to keep you grounded
as you both pull through the hardest storms and pouring rain
to enjoy the rainbow and smell the flowers
after the hardship
that’s when i knew it had to be you
after all this time
you’re the reason it didn’t work out with the rest
the reason why i couldn’t let go nor forget
i may have missed this chance back then
but this time, i’m going to make it mine
to give it a go, even if it’s one sided
well, twenty years later
i’m happy to be holding your hand
i’m glad fate turned around
brought us back together
even if it feels weird to do romantic things
as friends turned lovers
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