This is Why

What started as three words, slowly grew into a sentence, then into paragraphs. The words just keep coming and this was a result of all that. The fact that the vulnerable side of me shined through was enough to caught me by surprise. I'll let you in on another secret - it wasn't easy to stray away from the temptation to make this as another love story. 

Despite the fear of being judged (aren't we all?), sometimes you just got to do it and put it out there, for yourself. At this point, anything that rhymes as I write is now an added bonus because I want to focus more on the message behind this piece and what it means to me. It may seem to contradict what I said before but I needed this post to stand on its own and have no strings attached with what I have and will write. 

Here goes (written on May 2nd and countless hours were put in until now) and I hope you enjoy it.

This Is Why 

From the start, I never knew what it is like to be doing what you love,

I only knew what it is like to be doing what you're good at.

Needless to say, I never knew the possibility of these two being one and the same,

Something you love and something you are good at, written on a single page. 

I envy of those of you who got this figured out at an early age, 

because I for one, still see myself trapped in a cage.

Living at a time where the words 'passion' and 'purpose' are overused, 

How do you get your compass to work, when it's clearly confused? 

Is there an easy way to make a choice out of the three? 

Doing what you love, 

Doing what you're good at (and)

Doing with what you have - regardless of the above two. 

***

On a quest to search for the north star,

Holding onto the glimmering hope that you will find it - soon.

The answer to 'How long?' remains unknown,

There are no agreements, nothing set in stone.

Just these questions - how long can you keep your fears hidden?

Be honest, how long can you keep up with 'Keep searching and you will do just fine'

***

In truth, there are so many things that I fear

Fear of losing interest when this (blogging/writing) becomes a routine, a chore 

Fear of not being good enough, for people to like what I write

For the fear of being judged and criticized for my work - even when I personally love it

Even the fear of me becoming somebody that I didn't like

Yet, nothing beats this;

To be holding a pen but to have nothing to write, 

To be crashing out of frustration and feeling uninspired all the time.

These feelings aren't new to me 

I know how it feels living in the dark, helpless against a blank white paper. 

I know it's not possible, but if I could - 

I never want to experience those feelings ever again. 

***

To do that, I knew I had to change

To begin doing things for myself and not because I want others to like it

This is why

this space will always remain special to me

because it has pieces of myself who took words and piece them genuinely from the heart. 

I miss

The pieces of me that were once so carefree, 

Whenever and whatever - no pressure.

It will be a reminder of what I enjoy doing and something that I can look back with a smile on my face. 

This is why 

I came back 

(perhaps a little different then)

I believe opportunities will rise soon when the universe know that I'm up for it.

Who knows what the future holds? 

To growth, challenges and more memories here. 

Perhaps a life of a creative awaits.

Now, I am grateful for this humble space even if the only thing it does now is to keep me sane and happy. 

-end-

P.S

I often ask people this question and I think now it is time to come up with an answer of my own - What is your definition of passion?

For me, I would call them as interests that you are willing to work on, to be better at it day by day. Yes - interests in plural form because I'm convinced that we all can be multi-talented individuals, as long as we put our hearts and souls into it. It's important to start with an intention and slowly work towards your goal. It will not be an easy start but be patient with yourself and give it time. 'Slowly but surely'.

To all the lost souls out there, know that you are not alone. I am with you

Love, Sara